she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
