Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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