The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
