This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
