I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
