I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
