Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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