I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
