Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
