Can i not drive my cunt home
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
