So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
