I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize