just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Semen is not good for contacts.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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