Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
