Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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