My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
