covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
