Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The adults are the big ones right?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
