im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
