Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
