The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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