Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
