just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
