We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My dick has a subreddit
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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