his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
