I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
