We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
