using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize