3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize