Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
