I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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