Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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