Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
