we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
