I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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