So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
