Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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