I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
