Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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