Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
