am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
