If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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