foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
