I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
