Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
