I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
