Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
