a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
