Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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