Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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