FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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