you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
