i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The power of my boobs compel you
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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