I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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