dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
