there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
