I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
