it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
