her vagine was all disorganized.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
