Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
