A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
