I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
