dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
