If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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