White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
