I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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