And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
