I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
