haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
