He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
