listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
