batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
