Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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