i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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