I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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