I wanna bring you to show and tell
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
