I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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