Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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