i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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