ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just forgot I was standing up.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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