get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
