I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
