I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
