I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
