Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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