FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
