this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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