Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
