We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
