i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
