her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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