I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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