My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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