I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
