I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
