I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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