dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
