i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize