Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
