hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
