hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
