I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
