My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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