I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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