I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
