dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
