Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
